The Spirit@Work® Card that I’ve been playing with for the last few days was – Congruence.

I really like the way that this card spoke to me.

From the book:

Congruence comes from a perfect alignment of the heart, the mind, and the spirit – what we feel, think, and do are the same.

From the poem:

I hear a small voice from deep within

Asking to be lived.

That voice becomes

Everything I think, everything I say,

Everything I do. I am congruent.

I heal as the depth of who I am

Penetrates every part of me.

When I think of achieving Congruence in my life I feel shivers down my spine. I wonder at the possibilities that would open up for me if I could heal the depth of who I am.

The small voice within is the six year old wanting her story to finally be heard. Her voice becomes the book Footprints On My Soul, and through the writing of the book my childhood becomes me. I become congruent. The thought brings tears of joys to me. I don’t think it’s something I would have imagined possible at the beginning of this journey. I’m not there yet, but I have travelled a fair distance on this path. And, I am grateful!

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I felt strongly about playing with the Spirit@Work® Card – Empathy – for a few more days.  I like the way it is showing up in my life, and especially in the way that it is affecting my writing. I’ve chosen to wait to draw the next card.

I’ve realized that all I’ve been writing about on this blog site has been the Spirit@Work® Cards that I’ve been drawing. I have neglected to write about The Castle Principles® which have been my guiding force in what I will refer to as the backbone of my Higher Ground Leadership Practicum, and the writing of the first draft of the book Footprints On My Soul.  I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to take a moment to look at how they have supported me on this journey.

The Castle Principles® are comprised of the following – Courage, Authenticity, Service, Truthfulness, Love, and Effectiveness.

Courage – It will take a tremendous amount of courage to write the book Footprints On My Soul and to blog about the experience.

It has, at times, been really hard to write about my childhood.  It amazed me over and over again how much my body felt and reacted the same way it did as a child.  Just writing the words were hard to do, especially in the beginning.  I was scared to put everything to words. I suspect that most of it had to do with continually being told as a child that if I told anyone I would be punished for being bad. Not wanting to be punished is part of the fabric of who I am.

Authenticity – I want my Soul and the person I have become to be felt throughout the book, and by the readers of my blog.

I struggled with this one. I was having a hard enough time just trying to write about what happened, let alone bring the adult me into it. Probably because I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about everything that happened. It’s still unfolding for me and I suspect that authenticity is going to really come into play as I move into the editing stage of the book.

Service – To inspire the readers to see that peacefulness, kindness, and respectfulness are possible regardless of the situation.

I feel I have managed to stay true to this intention. It has also grown to more than this. I often found myself wondering about the abusers in my life; whether they felt remorse; confessed their sins on Sundays; asked their God for forgiveness; and whether they tried to change who they were. This unexpected consideration will hopefully be noticeable to the reader. The main support for myself with this part was that I didn’t want to become my abusers. Remaining peaceful, kind, and respectful are important to me.

Truthfulness – To accept and share my truth of living a traumatic childhood and how it affected me as an adult.

Another challenging one for me.  Some of the things I experienced were at the hands of pedophiles. I grappled with how much to tell. Should I express every detail of what they did to me, or leave it to the imagination of the reader. If I left it to the imagination of the reader then it would no longer be my truth. It would become what they thought was my truth. If a pedophile happened to read my book, would the detail bring out compassion in them causing them to take a serious look at what they might be doing to the people they abuse? (That would be a beautiful gift!) Or, would it excite them and have the opposite result?

At this point I have not really been able to bring how my childhood has affected me as an adult. I’m not sure if it will come out in the editing stage, or if I will choose to omit it completely. I have considered that a possible second book might be The Writing of Footprints On My Soul. It has really affected me and I’ve grown because of it. I think one of the main reasons is that I did it with The Castle Principles® and the Spirit@Work® Cards. I know it wouldn’t have been the same book if I didn’t include the writing of the first draft as a part of my Higher Ground Leadership Practicum.

Love – To remember to always love myself throughout this journey and to believe that I am worthy of love.

That was actually a fairly difficult intention to put to words, and I felt that I would be able to accomplish it. It was actually harder to practice than it was to write. As I was writing I often wondered how I managed to come through my childhood at all. In a way I didn’t. It’s hard to love yourself when it feels like no one else in the world does. If your own family doesn’t appear to love you, how can you possibly be worthy of love? If you’re not worthy of love, then you can’t love yourself either. It goes without saying that if you can’t love yourself, then you certainly are not capable of allowing anyone else to love you. Writing my memories have brought all of those feelings to the surface.

Effectiveness – To embark on this journey daily and to realize and accept that there will be days when it will be difficult.

Whew! I had no idea what I was really getting myself into! Quite the expectation with this one!

I have somehow managed to spend time daily with this practicum.  (As I write this, I’m on day 80 of the 100 day challenge portion of it.) An intent accomplished that I can embrace as being successful.

Difficult is not necessarily the word that comes to mind for most of the days. There were days when writing the book were extremely emotionally painful. I have yet been able to write about one of the incidences that caused an incredible amount of fear in me at the time … I don’t feel I’m strong enough yet to experience it again.  There are still a couple of other ones that I’m really resisting writing about. There were almost no days when writing wasn’t difficult to some degree. For the most part, it has become easier with each passing day.

As I consider everything I’ve accomplished and experienced for the past 80 days I’m almost saddened at the thought of almost being finished this Practicum. I know that I won’t really be finished. After the first draft will be the editing stage. I can’t imagine doing that without continuing with these practices. This new way of living will remain with me for the rest of my life. It truly is a gentler, kinder way of living and is perfect for me.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I loved playing with the Spirit@Work® card – Empathy.  It was a beautiful card to draw.

I’ve chosen to share a complete paragraph from the book:

Empathizers put themselves in the shoes of others, walking in their moccasins, realizing that this is the first essential in building relationships. They take the trouble to see things from the other person’s point of view, being clearly interested in their concerns, challenges, and aspirations. Their world view is altruistic, compassionate, kind, and caring. They are more concerned with the whole than with the individual ego.

From the poem:

I witness your journey from deep in my Soul.

and,

I feel your pain and your joy.

I see your perspective based on your context.

and,

I return to who I am, more whole.

I wondered at the magic of empathy and how I became an empathetic person, especially when my childhood experiences are taken into account.  I found that I was considering the abusers from my childhood more this week.  I find myself once again wondering if they were remorseful and what it felt like for them.  I wondered if they went to church on Sundays, confessed their sins, and asked forgiveness.  I wondered if it was granted.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I had to read the Spirit@Work Card® detachment text and poem a few times to absorb what it was suggesting.  I found it to be quite deep and hard to put into words.  I couldn’t really choose a section from either the poem or book that would make sense on it’s own, with the exception of this one sentence from the book:

How does this task inspire my Soul and the Souls of others?

Detachment is about letting go of the ideals and beliefs that are not really serving you anymore, and doing so with judgment free awareness.  For me, it involved a different type of awareness in my everyday life.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

When I first drew the Spirit@Work® Card effectiveness I thought of how much depth there was to this card. It permeates every layer of my life. I thought it to be the perfect card to follow inspiration.

This is what the book shared:

Our role as leaders is to treat each other as sacred, to inspire and be effective at the same time.

and,

We are effective when we “come out” and stop being “closet humans”, and become authentic beings instead. Only then can we reveal our true emotional and spiritual selves, and when we do, a remarkable thing will happen. For the first time, our masks will fall and others will recognize us for who we truly are.

Those are powerful sentences! They’re also very scary!

It has taken me years to be able to get to where I am today, and I’m barely scratching the surface. Being authentic and coming out takes a lot of courage, especially for someone who has been keeping secrets since they were children. There were consequences if we shared those secrets.

Sharing those secrets would certainly allow people to recognize us for who we truly are. But, at what price? I wasn’t the bad guy in my story. Bad things happened to me. Things that society considers bad enough that the perpetrator can go to jail for it. As a six year old child who is told they will be punished for being bad if they tell, they are as bad as the abuser in their minds. For me personally, I believed I was solely the bad person. It never occurred to me that I wasn’t. How do you talk about your experiences when you’re coming from that space? And, it compounds as you get older.

It takes a lot of courage to let our masks fall.

From the poem:

Guided by my Soul, I seek to redefine effectiveness.

and,

Courage, be with me, as I shift my focus.

The deeper I go into this practicum and seriously implementing the Spirit@Work® Cards I find that I’m changing. I’m terrified of what people will say or think when they read my book, or discover the truth of my childhood. As I write certain passages of my book, my body trembles with the memories. Events that happened decades ago. It’s all there, deep within the fabric of my being. Part of me desperately wanting to be heard; part of me terrified to tell.

So I have to ask myself, “How effective do I want to be?” That can only be answered in the willingness to come out, and the depth to which I am willing to share my story. The choice is mine. Do I have the courage?

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

My first thought when I drew the Spirit@Work® Card was, “Can I truly inspire someone?”  The thought of its possibilities seem almost magical when I think of it in the context of my book.

When I first started to write the book, Footprints On My Soul, it was with the intent to inspire the reader to embrace their challenges and turn them into opportunities to grow. To feel whole and live life fully. To be completely honest, they are things I wish for myself as well.

Today, I’m on day 67 of writing my book and I have something I’d like to add to who I could inspire to make a change in their life. I would love to inspire an abuser to consider how their actions affect the people they abuse. I’d love it if they would look deeply into their Souls and change their actions.

That would be inspiration to aspire to.

This is what the book said:

The energy that propels inspiration is love.

and,

To inspire others, we must create an environment in which people sense a power that which is human, a Higher Power, a divine influence that wells up from deep within, causing them to be infused with the breath of God.

and,

Inspiration is that moment when we access the ineffable experience of the spirit inside us, which is the spirit that is one with the universe. It is our muse, our creative juice, our love and passion and joy bursting from our heart in a tide of beautiful energy.

As I read the poem I realized I wanted to share all of it. Every line strengthened the hope I have for the readers of my book. Although not an easy task, these are the lines of the poem I chose to share:

The breath of the devine moves through me

And all that is, is all that is me.

I accept my destiny.

and,

My calling is God’s gift to the world through me.

and,

Give me courage and strength.

The most powerful and meaningful line for me was “My calling is God’s gift to the world through me.”  It has taken a lot of courage to get to where I believe that with all of my heart. If I don’t share my childhood in a way that touches hearts and is respectful and full of love, then my childhood was wasted.  He gave me an enormous gift.  The childhood that I lived, who I became because of it, and the ability to share it.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I chuckle at the first came that came to mind when I drew this Spirit@Work® Card. I thought the text in the book would be urging me to listen to, and do what I was told to do. (Scary thought!) And then I imagined that it would advise me to pay attention and go deeper into relationships by really listening to what people were saying to me.

These are some highlights of what the book had to say about listening:

We are experiencing a growing social ailment – a sense that we are not being heard.

and,

Unconditional and totally attentive listening – sacred listening – is a beautiful gift to the Soul of another.

and,

We serve best by listening with sacred attentiveness and then acting constructively on what we have heard.

and,

Sacred listening is open listening, it is effective listening that seeks to understand, without being defensive or manipulative.

From the poem:

Help me to be comfortable with myself and

Move out of my own life’s context

That I may hear with love and understanding.

and,

Let me listen with love.

It was interesting to experience how listening continually popped into my world over the four days and my reactions when it did. I noticed a resistance to hearing what a person was telling me if it was something (a critique) I didn’t really want to hear. When I moved past the first initial reaction I was able to consider what they were sharing and grow from it.

The most amazing moment of listening happened during a coaching practicum, while being graded and observed on my coaching skills.  While coaching I came to a moment of silence that I usually excel in. When a client suddenly goes silent after being asked a provocative question you know that you’ve touched something deep within them. It’s an amazing space to be in. For the first time (in the two and a half years that I’ve been training to become a life coach) I realized the silence I was listening to didn’t belong to the client … it was mine! That silence let me know what I needed to practice a little more with.

Listening doesn’t always happen with a spoken word.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I drew the Spirit@Work® Card, Hope! Every time I thought of this card I sighed a sigh of relief. The thought that there is hope is so welcome. Lately I’ve felt scattered and unsure of myself. I don’t want to let go of anything that I’m doing, and yet I’m overwhelmed. And … there is so much more that I want to do. Is it possible this is exactly what I need? One can only hope!

The book did not disappoint me. These are the sentences that jumped out at me, the first an entire paragraph:

We have two kinds of energy: our light and our shadow. Though the shadow often appears as darkness; it is always within our power to shine the brilliance of our light there. Indeed we must always do so, because even the deepest darkness will give way to light. By shining our light, we can find our way and thereby inspire others. In this way, we provide hope. The darkness can only return if we allow our own light to go out.

and,

Hope is not about getting what you want, but about wanting what you have.

and,

The purpose of the Higher Ground Leader is to arouse hope.

When I think about allowing our own light to go out I think of the last eight years of my life. My light did go out. My sister was killed in a car accident and my heart shattered. It would take six years before the faintest amount of light entered my life, and two more years for it to slowly burn brighter until to where I am today. I know that during that time I was not able to inspire anyone. Nor did I want to.

I also know that my light was extinguished for most of my childhood. I stumbled around in the dark and made it through … barely and carrying many battle wounds. Those wounds took decades to even begin to heal, much of it done through the inner exploration that I’ve been doing for the past two years.

From the poem:

Hope knows no barriers.

and,

Hope is my greatest connection to the source of love.

and,

In my center I know hope and I am inspired.

The card is very inspiring and gives a feeling that anything is possible. I can imagine the quiet strength that hope can hold for us. My hope is that I can accomplish everything I want to do, which includes coaching other to do the same.

This card is perfect for me. There is no real reason for me to doubt myself. Doubt is my darkness at the moment, and I’m going to let the light in and chase it away.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.