I’m at the end of my Higher Ground Leadership® Practicum, and I must admit I don’t quite feel the way I thought I would. I thought I would be exuberant, excited, and full of “Yes!  Way to Go’s!” I’m not. I would describe my feelings as sad … almost like saying good-bye to a really good friend that is moving half-way across the country. Not at all what I expected.

I have grown so much in the 100 days that I’ve been on this transformative journey. I had no idea when I started that this wasn’t about achieving my Higher Ground Leadership certification, nor was it about finishing the first draft of my memoir, Footprints On My Soul.

It became a journey of Courageously Accepting My Truth and Discovering Self-Acceptance. I became more comfortable with my childhood and being able to share my experiences. I have a deeper understanding of why I’m the person I am today, and why I’m afraid of things that make no sense to be afraid of. It makes sense now, and I can forgive myself for having those fears. They’re deep-rooted and they came from a child who thought those actions would keep her safe.

I shed lots of tears, and felt my body vibrate with remembered energy of childhood fear. The intensity of it surprising me at times. I wondered at how the little girl in me managed to live through it. If I were to be completely honest, I would have to admit that in a way I didn’t. Some of the memories are so painful, the only way to describe how experiencing it affected me is to say my childhood left footprints on my Soul. I doubt they will ever fully leave me unaffected.

My biggest surprise would be how profoundly The Castle Principles® (Courage, Authenticity, Service, Truthfulness, Love, and Effectiveness) and the Spirit@Work® Cards affected my writing of the first draft of the book, and how I felt about the abusers in my life. I wouldn’t say that I was angry or hateful towards them before I started this practicum. I had just never considered how they might have felt about what they did to me, or what might have happened in their lives that caused them to abuse me in the ways that they did. I’ll never know the answers. What I do know is that they are human, and therefore made some bad choices.

So … now what?

I’m going to continue with this blog site. I’m not sure what form it will end up taking. I plan on being authentic with whatever I write here.

I’m going to apply for my Higher Ground Leadership certification and my PCC coaching certification.

I’m definitely going to continue using the Spirit@Work® Cards and The Castle Principles® for my daily living and growth. I consider them to be excellent guides in achieving a gentler and kinder way of living. They are perfect for my Soul.

I’m about to start editing the first draft of my memoir. I expect it to take six to twelve months to complete. I’m looking forward to writing it with respect and judgment free awareness.

I have a few desired outcomes for the readers of my book.

1. That the readers will understand what life as an abused child is like.
2. If the readers were themselves abused, that they can see themselves in my writing and that my story will inspire them to explore their past and embrace the possibilities of a peaceful life.
3. If the readers were abusers, it is my hope that by understanding my story that they would consider what they did, and work towards being a different person.

For me, I want to be able to fully come to peace with what happened to me, and to be able to move forward. Life coaching is extremely important to me. I hope to be able to both inspire and touch Souls of people with similar backgrounds. And, through coaching, walk with them through their journey in discovering the good in their lives that came from the bad in their pasts. If I can do it … so can they.

These are two of my favourite thoughts:

1. My heart knows what your heart knows … and, I’m willing to meet you there.
2. Every challenge in life is an opportunity to grow … To discover who you really are.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I drew the Spirit@Work® Card – Freedom.  I have decided this card will be the perfect final card for this 100 Day Challenge and for my Higher Ground Leadership Practicum.

I will finish the first draft of my memoir, Footprints On My Soul, at the end of the challenge as I set out to do at the beginning of this journey. For me, Freedom is the perfect final card to draw and consider. I have changed immensely through the writing of the first draft and the reflecting I’ve done with the cards.  I believe that I have gained a start of realizing some Freedom from the memoires of my childhood that will help me to become the person I’m meant to be.

From the text:

The basic needs of the Soul are simple and straight forward. They include adequate information and the freedom to participate in making decisions – humble enough requirements for the everyday Soul. If these needs are not met, the Soul remains frustrated in its pursuit of wholeness and balance. Meeting these needs is therefore a prerequisite for inspiring the Soul.

and,

The Soul keeps searching and hoping that freedom will be found one day, and until that day comes, the Soul suffers.

and,

The Soul yearns to be fully creative, to unleash the natural creative spirit, freedom fosters creativity, and this intensifies the Souls natural urge to seek freedom in order to follow a path of creativity.

The entire poem spoke to me profoundly.  These were my favourite lines:

My Soul shouts to be free.

In quiet contemplation, I release my Soul and it soars.

Without shackles, it strengthens my identity and it smiles.

and,

Guide me in creating an environment of freedom in my surroundings.

To achieve this would be heaven on earth for me.

I love the thought of freedom and what it could mean for me. It would be amazing if when I publish my memoir, Footprints On My Soul, it is not only set free in the world, but that by releasing my story I’m also able to find freedom from my childhood. One could only hope.

When I wonder how freedom could affect the writing of the book, I imagine a caterpillar turning into a butterfly and then flying away as it releases its earthly ties. Could the writing of the book allow for me to release the memories that bind me to the scared child within me and set me free as an adult?

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

Oh Wow!! I drew the Spirit@Work® – creativity!

From the text:

Creativity fertilizes the Soul by encouraging personal development so that we may reap our harvest.  Creativity nourishes everything in life. Without creativity, we can exist be we cannot be truly alive.

and,

The act of creating something is a Soulful practice, but when the creative spirit is restrained, it rebels.

From the poem:

May I balance structure with freedom

And challenge with encouragement,

So that creativity can flourish

In a safe place, with recognition and support.

Guide me in my own creativity,

Helping me let go of the outcomes.

I love being creative and it truly nourishes my Soul.  For some strange reason I let go of almost all of my creative activities.  Perhaps that’s one of the reasons I have a sadness buried deep inside of me.  A place that I rarely visit.

I found that I was amused at how excited I was to draw the card creativity and how sad it made me feel when I actually thought about what the card meant.  It was not at all what I expected. True, the writing of the first draft of my memoir, Footprints on My Soul is a creative process. However, I’ve realized that it is almost the only creative thing I do now.

I’m looking forward to the editing stage of my memoir in the new year. That is where creativity will come alive for the book.  Rounding out scenes, adding historical events, and even playing with word and sentence structure are creative processes. I get to take all of my random memories and put them in order and bring life to them once again through the creation of a finished book.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I found the Spirit@Work® Card that I drew to be rather interesting.  It was another card that I found myself reading about over and over again.

These were my favourite passages from the text:

Humility is a sense of proportion and reverence for all of life – not just one’s own. It offers an intimate connection with God and the oneness of the Universe. Something that still permits, perhaps even encourages, us to have pride in the people we cherish and in the activities we enjoy.

Humility enables us to absorb both the thrills and disappointments of life with equal acceptance and equanimity.

and,

Humility is a daily practice, which we strive to deepen, so that we can place our emphasis on serving others instead of on ourselves.

From the poem:

Humility sees excellence and sacredness in all

And gives thanks for the gifts we hold.

and,

My calling is God’s gift to the world through me.

Guide my actions that I may humbly live my Calling

To help the world be a place of peace and love.

This is something I find to be so much bigger than what I could possibly hope to be. What if the sharing of my childhood is my calling? If it were it would strengthen the belief that everything happens for a reason. It would mean my childhood was a gift that could inspire others to find their gifts from challenging moments. That would bring a completely different perspective to who I really am and why I’m here. That same perspective could ring true for everyone.

At the same time, I’m tempted to say that I’m not really capable of serving others until I come to peace with my past. To understand who I really am and discover a way of living as the person I really am deep down at the core of my Soul.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

The Spirit@Work® Card that I drew was encouragement.

The text from the book that resonated the most with me was:

We are all yearning for more love in our lives – not more fear.  It is the deepest yearning in our hearts. If we replace negative ways with encouragement, compassion, trust, patience, empathy, and love, we will inspire others and thus release their untapped potential.

and,

The Soul seeks encouragement.  We all know that things are not as we would like them to be, and we yearn to change them, but we lack the encouragement necessary to become actively involved in being and creating that change.

When I read this passage I immediately thought of how I would be able to deliver encouragement as a coach.  I wondered whether life changing inspiration was possible through the simple act of encouragement.  Such an empowering thought.

From the poem:

With new eyes I see working around me.

and,

Let my voice be guided in words of encouragement.

As I consider the card encouragement, I can’t help but wonder what my life could have been if I had received it from my parents as a child.  I continue to be amazed at the power that encouragement could have in a person’s life.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.