I’m at the end of my Higher Ground Leadership® Practicum, and I must admit I don’t quite feel the way I thought I would. I thought I would be exuberant, excited, and full of “Yes! Way to Go’s!” I’m not. I would describe my feelings as sad … almost like saying good-bye to a really good friend that is moving half-way across the country. Not at all what I expected.
I have grown so much in the 100 days that I’ve been on this transformative journey. I had no idea when I started that this wasn’t about achieving my Higher Ground Leadership certification, nor was it about finishing the first draft of my memoir, Footprints On My Soul.
It became a journey of Courageously Accepting My Truth and Discovering Self-Acceptance. I became more comfortable with my childhood and being able to share my experiences. I have a deeper understanding of why I’m the person I am today, and why I’m afraid of things that make no sense to be afraid of. It makes sense now, and I can forgive myself for having those fears. They’re deep-rooted and they came from a child who thought those actions would keep her safe.
I shed lots of tears, and felt my body vibrate with remembered energy of childhood fear. The intensity of it surprising me at times. I wondered at how the little girl in me managed to live through it. If I were to be completely honest, I would have to admit that in a way I didn’t. Some of the memories are so painful, the only way to describe how experiencing it affected me is to say my childhood left footprints on my Soul. I doubt they will ever fully leave me unaffected.
My biggest surprise would be how profoundly The Castle Principles® (Courage, Authenticity, Service, Truthfulness, Love, and Effectiveness) and the Spirit@Work® Cards affected my writing of the first draft of the book, and how I felt about the abusers in my life. I wouldn’t say that I was angry or hateful towards them before I started this practicum. I had just never considered how they might have felt about what they did to me, or what might have happened in their lives that caused them to abuse me in the ways that they did. I’ll never know the answers. What I do know is that they are human, and therefore made some bad choices.
So … now what?
I’m going to continue with this blog site. I’m not sure what form it will end up taking. I plan on being authentic with whatever I write here.
I’m going to apply for my Higher Ground Leadership certification and my PCC coaching certification.
I’m definitely going to continue using the Spirit@Work® Cards and The Castle Principles® for my daily living and growth. I consider them to be excellent guides in achieving a gentler and kinder way of living. They are perfect for my Soul.
I’m about to start editing the first draft of my memoir. I expect it to take six to twelve months to complete. I’m looking forward to writing it with respect and judgment free awareness.
I have a few desired outcomes for the readers of my book.
- That the readers will understand what life as an abused child is like.
- If the readers were themselves abused, that they can see themselves in my writing and that my story will inspire them to explore their past and embrace the possibilities of a peaceful life.
- If the readers were abusers, it is my hope that by understanding my story that they would consider what they did, and work towards being a different person.
For me, I want to be able to fully come to peace with what happened to me, and to be able to move forward. Life coaching is extremely important to me. I hope to be able to both inspire and touch Souls of people with similar backgrounds. And, through coaching, walk with them through their journey in discovering the good in their lives that came from the bad in their pasts. If I can do it … so can they.
These are two of my favourite thoughts:
- My heart knows what your heart knows … and, I’m willing to meet you there.
- Every challenge in life is an opportunity to grow … To discover who you really are.
Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.