I find it rather interesting that the Spirit@Work® Card that I drew was Transformation.  I just realized this week that the Spirit@Work® Cards are more effective and life changing for me if I apply them more to myself than the writing of the book, Footprints On My Soul.  They’ll be a part of me, and therefore a part of the book.

I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting few days … and life … with the card Transformation.  I feel all goose bumpy!

The very first paragraph proved to be interesting.  This sentence in particular:

They are born, live, and die, without ever pausing along the way to meet their Soul.

I immediately said out loud, “I am my Soul.  My Soul and I are one.”  I paused after writing this [in my journal] and felt how I feel about this.  There was a calmness that came over me.  A knowing that it is the truth of who I am.  I am my Soul.  It is not separate from me.

The last sentence of the first paragraph is:

The key to personal development and evolution lies not outside ourselves, but within.

Writing my book is not going to find peace and acceptance of my past simply by writing the book.  The peace and acceptance is only going to happen if I go deep and explore the cards on a personal, Soulful level.  That is where the lasting transformation occurs.  It’s possible that, except for a few of the cards that I’ve drawn, I’ve remained on the surface by only considering how I was writing the book and not how living it affected my Soul.  I’ve drifted away from the purpose of writing the book.  Soul may be in the title; it’s not in the book … yet.

Although these next sentences in the Spirit@Work® book were written with the thought of organizational transformation they can certainly be adjusted and applied to personal transformation.

If we inspire one person at a time, a group of these people will become a team.  If we inspire the team, a group of teams will become a community.  If we inspire groups of communities, one at a time, these groups of inspired communities will inspire the world.

From the poem:

Let me gently tap the wisdom of the Universe

That is locked within my Soul.

Patiently I allow my wakening.  Day by day,

A metamorphosis occurs within me.

And,

To share all that is beautiful in the Universe with the world around me.

I am transforming.

Surprisingly, I actually feel like I’m transforming.  I feel different than when I started the Higher Ground Leadership® Practicum.  I’m at the halfway point for the practicum and I’m experiencing both fear and optimism about who I will be when I come to the end.  I know that as I travel the second half of the journey that I will go even deeper into the meanings of the Spirit@Work® Cards that I draw and what they mean to my life.

As I write my book I’m already finding that I’m really questioning the motives behind the people in my childhood.  I often wonder if they had remorse.  Did they pray for forgiveness?  Were their actions uncontrollable even though they tried?  What happened to them in their lives that caused them to behave the way they did?  All of these questions, and so many more, come forward as I write.  It’s a deeper consideration of everyone in my childhood.  It’s almost comforting.

Yes … I am transforming!

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I must admit, when I drew the card Grace from the Spirit@Work® Cards I had no idea what it might mean to me. My only thought was that it was somehow tied to forgiveness, and if so, it was the perfect card to draw.

These are the sentences from the book that inspired me the most:

Our Souls are inspired by those with grace, for they are people who appreciate the natural elegance of human relationships – a shift from things to people.

and,

They use charm and integrity to maintain symmetry in all of their relationships, those with whom they interact. Those with grace guide every relationship with a sure hand that seeks to make every Soul whole – first with itself, but also with the universe.

and,

The purpose of our lives is to be in a state of grace with everyone with whom we are in contact, to be continually moving towards the light, until our Soul travels on.

The poem brought me to tears imagining what living in a state of grace would be like. These were the lines that really moved me:

Let me experience grace. It is a taste of heaven.

Give me the courage to approach those I serve

From the depths of who I am.

and,

When I am afraid, when I fear, listen to my heart!

Be still and comforted by my Soul.

and,

The Soul reawakens to our new place of grace.

A burden lifts and dissipates,

Energy circles, through and around us.

I feel very much at peace with the thought of living with grace. I found the text and poem very comforting and read them daily. I would say at this point of the journey of the Higher Ground Leadership Practicum and writing my book, Footprints On My Soul, I can imagine a time when I can “Be still and comforted by my Soul.” I look forward to when my “burden lifts and dissipates.” It would result in having a very peaceful existence. A life of grace.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

My body absolutely vibrated when I placed my hand on one of the five piles of the Spirit@Work® Cards. There was so much energy emanating from the top card that I actually had chills coursing through my spine. I was both scared and curious as to what the card would be if I drew it. The card was Forgiveness.

My first thought was to wonder who I will end up forgiving. Someone from my childhood? Will it be me, or the little girl in me? I’m not sure whether the little girl needs to be forgiven. I carry the shame and guilt of my childhood. But the little girl wasn’t the one doing the bad things. They were being done to her. She simply carried the burden. I feel as though forgiving her would imply that she did something bad to be forgiven for.

Perhaps I need to forgive the adult in me. The person that I am today. For allowing myself to be affected the way that I was. Perhaps I need to forgive myself for not truly living my life and instead being so afraid of doing anything wrong, and therefore not taking a chance. Just barely living because it was safer in that realm. Perhaps I need to forgive myself for keeping the secret.

The text that accompanied Forgiveness spoke to me very loudly – in a gentle way. For the first time, I’m listing an entire paragraph from the book.

We need to “come out”, to own up to being human, to being vulnerable and fragile, to owning pain, to needing love, compassion, and forgiveness, to wanting more from life than to be right or to have the last word. In short, we need to become whole by declaring ourselves to be real humans, and this means having the courage to seek a state of grace with others – to forgive. We achieve this when we seek to understand the view of others, and if we cannot agree with them or with the values behind their actions, then we must seek to be in a state of grace by freely and fully forgiving them and then moving on.

The poem did not disappoint me. It allowed me to consider how I can forgive myself for waiting this long to start to heal within.

Quietly, I ponder the remorse and forgive myself for imperfection.

Fear is eased away by the love that fills my heart.

I feel love’s fullness. It gives me strength.

I imagine a very peaceful existence awaits for when I can live those words completely.

While contemplating Forgiveness for the last few days I found that it gave me a different outlook on life. An enthusiasm that is refreshing and welcome. I love the idea of forgiving myself for allowing my childhood to affect me the way that it did, for the length of time that it did. I found that I was filled with optimism and lots of energy.

As I’m remembering events and writing the book, I’m forgiving myself for the parts that I need to forgive myself for. Could peace be found in something as simple as forgiving myself?

I know that this is a card that I will hold in my heart for the rest of this practicum, and probably for the rest of my life.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

The Spirit@Work® Card that I drew for this post is the perfect card to get me moving in the right direction. I drew the card, Cause.

In all honesty, I connected with all of the words shared in the book on Cause. These are the lines in the book that inspired me the most:

A cause radiates a light so bright that followers find it irresistible.

And,

The appeal of a Cause is the profound and unique strength it holds.

And,

A Cause draws its energy from the Soul, describing the way we plan to honour the Souls of others, how we will recognize their Sacredness, improve their lives, and serve them. A Cause creates passion because it describes passion. A Cause is other-centered and it inspire because it puts others – their personalities and their Souls – first.

And,

Above all, a Cause inspires because it is always rooted in love.

And, from the poem:

I am inspired. A future engages my Spirit.

It connects with my destiny.

And,

To inspire people to propel it with strength and creativity.

And,

Knowing that this cause is connected with Divine Purpose.

I am grateful for this gift.

As I write with these goals in mind I can’t help but wonder if I’m truly capable of bringing Cause into my book, my life, and my coaching. It almost seems as if it is so much bigger than me, and way beyond my reach. And yet, I have a deep belief … a knowing, that if I don’t follow this path, then my childhood was for nothing. My childhood really hurt me and damaged my self-esteem almost to the point of not being able to be healed. It affected my adult life in ways that I’m not entirely sure I would ever be able to properly express. And through all of this, the last sentence of the poem resonates throughout my very being and Soul. I am grateful for this gift. The gift of my childhood!

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I decided that instead of drawing a new Spirit@Work® Card that I would return to the card that I drew last week – Integrity. I felt I didn’t spend the time needed to really explore this card and how it relates to what I’m doing.

With this in mind, I went back to the book and read what it said about Integrity once again. I was surprised to find that I completely missed a section of the poem that really speaks to who I am. Being stuck on the card Justice really put me in a place that wasn’t open to other possibilities. This is the gem that I found:

Whether I lead others walking upon new ground,

Or share the path with many on familiar trails,

Let me treat our journey and my companions with respect,

Let my actions reflect my values.

That is something that really reflects how I feel and act. It’s exactly what I hope the book opens up for readers who have lived challenging childhoods. The writing of this blog series, Higher Ground Leadership® Practicum, is the story of the path I’m taking to write this book. Sometimes it’s really difficult, and lots of tears are shed. Sometimes I get completely stuck on what I want to say. I question myself constantly. Through all of this I continue to write in the hopes that it will inspire others to find their path to peacefulness.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I should have drawn a new Spirit@Work® Card for this post and not returned to the card, Justice. I had pulled out the deck with the intentions of drawing a new card. I realized that I still hadn’t done anything with Integrity. I am fully stuck on Justice!

I am so scared that if I write the book, I won’t be showing Justice for the perpetrators. I have no intention of being mean, uncaring, or dishonest. My mind keeps going round and round as to who Justice will be served for with the writing of the book.

The little girl didn’t get justice as a child. I have the opportunity to give it to her now. If I don’t write the book, am I being just as cruel as the people who didn’t give Justice to her? Am I also turning my back on what happened by remaining silent?

I would never have guessed that this card would have stopped me in my tracks the way that this one has.

Justice …

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

When I drew my Spirit@Work® Card I almost felt like the word Integrity let me down. I expected so much more when I drew this card and was excitedly anticipating what the book would say about this word.

There were two sentences that stood out the most for me:

When leaders talk of serving others, their intentions count more than what we say.

And,

This is the integrity that followers yearn for – they want to see their leaders place the personal and spiritual well-being of people ahead of the bottom line.

The poem connected with my Soul and gave the writing in the book a deeper level. There was lots in this poem that I really connected with. These were my favourites:

May I respect the dignity and sacredness of others.

May I speak and act with honesty and love.

As I walk down this path,

I ask to be infused with integrity.

And,

Help me live the truth of my beliefs and my destiny.

I feel like the words to the poem describe exactly how I want to walk my path to Higher Ground Leadership® and the writing of my book, Footprints On My Soul.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I have found that I can’t move forward from the Spirit@Work® Card – Justice. I thought that it would be easy to write with this card in mind. Instead it has become something that has become quite hard to do. The question that keeps coming to mind is, “Who is justice serving in the writing of Footprints On My Soul?”

I thought the simple answer would be the little girl in me. Instead I find myself doubting my words. If the little girl receives justice, is it at the expense of the perpetrators? Do they not also deserve justice? Who am I to decide how justice will be served?

I don’t know the names of most of the abusers, so there isn’t much concern over whether or not justice is being represented for them. I doubt that anyone would even know who they were. So, from that point ensuring that justice is realized for the little girl is easy. The difficulty comes in one main person in my childhood who it will be obvious as to the identity of that person. Am I taking justice into consideration if I write about them? If I take this person out of the story, the reader will know that something big is missing from the story. Also, if I take this person out, then justice would not be given for the little girl.

Because of the struggle that I’m having with this card, I decided not to choose a new one for the last couple of days.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

Wow! For me this card is all about my childhood and the book. by writing the book I am finally telling the story of the little girl. The words that she was too scared to utter are now being spoken. And, it brings Justice for her.

This is what stood out for me from the book:

We hope that people will be fair when representing facts or describing merit or demerit. For most of us, Justice includes honesty, fidelity, and impartiality.

My favourite lines from the poem are:

I seek to know my strength and to let go of what weakens me.

And,

Let me speak and act with justice,

Sifting logic and love in a perfect blend.

I am in tune with my Soul’s journey.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.

I really enjoyed playing with the Spirit@Work® Card, honesty. I’ve discovered that if I take truth to a deeper level that life looks a little differently. Through honesty, I can be aware of and share what is there.

Honesty is also one of the cornerstones for the writing of my book, Footprints On My Soul.

What I’m realizing about this practicum is that it really is more than writing my book and becoming a better and masterful coach. It’s about digging deeper than the obvious truth and discovering what it’s really about.

How is honesty showing up in my life? Where isn’t it showing up? Why isn’t it? I need to be completely honest with myself before I can be truly honest with others. To do that I will need to incorporate the Castle Principles® – Courage, Authenticity, Service, Truthfulness, Love, and Effectiveness. I have to turn all of them inward and explore what I find there. Who am I? Why? Who do I want to be? How do I get there?

I found the write-up in the book very interesting and rang true for me on so many levels. The question at the end impacted me the most:

How will I bring honesty into all my relationships?

The sections of the poem that I felt really spoke to who I am are:

My Soul walks the path of honesty.

and,

I speak lovingly. I act authentically.

I live honestly.

and,

Holding only what is mine, speaking only what is true.

Those are perfect concepts to keep in mind while I’m writing my book, and living my life.

Higher Ground Leadership Principles®, The Spirit@Work Cards®, and the Castle Principles® are registered trademarks of the Secretan Center.